The Secret to Starting a Conversation on Tinder (+ Screenshots)
When you match, what's your opening message on Tinder?
In this article, we'll show you exactly how to start a conversation on Tinder to get her attracted to you.
All with real example screenshots, straight off my phone.
Plus, we have some actionable steps for you to implement all of the example openers we're going to give you.
Let’s dive in with our index:
Your First Message
When it comes to Tinder, the ball is in your court, as a man.
This also means that women receive a lot of first messages from your competition.
And as you can guess, the majority of those messages range from bizarre to (usually) boring.
And while this could change in the future it's still the status quo on Tinder.
So if you want to stand out from the crowd you're going to need a different strategy than "hey, what's up?" or asking her a question.
In fact, let's first talk about...
What Not to Say in Your Tinder Opener
If you were to think of a conversation starter for an imaginary girl on the top of your head, what would it be?
9 times out of 10, it’ll be some variation of the word hey.
Know how I guessed that?
Because to us guys, it’s the safe bet opener.
It’s the opener you say to any person you approach whether in real life or digitally.
It’s easy to say, doesn’t require much effort and unfortunately, most guys think girls will respond back with Hi.
But guess what?
She hear's "hey" all the time.
And even worse, you're still stuck at square one.
The conversation hasn't moved forward.
And your mission on Tinder needs to be to get her on the date as soon as possible.
Because if that’s not your mission, she’ll find someone else in the snap of a finger who will.
Trying Another Strategy
So if saying "hey," "what's up," doesn't work, how about telling her how cute she is?
Not so fast.
Complimenting a girl on her looks is almost, if not worse, than a hello.
A Terrible First Message.
Yes, there will be women that respond well to a message like this.
But the idea is to maximize the number of replies you can in the long run.
This girl has bright, blonde, curled hair.
It attracts a lot of attention.
By messaging her about it, I'm putting myself into a category of men who all do the same thing.
If I'm more attractive than most guys, that's fine.
But if I'm an average guy who can't rely on the 6-pack I don't have, I'm going to need to excite her mind more.
A boring first message will never do that.
If you already match with a girl, why do you need to tell her you like the way she looks?
She already knows that.
Girls are so numb to being complimented in both real life and especially online dating, that no matter how thought out your compliment is, she’ll ignore it just the same as a hello.
So how should you open?
Conversation Starters that Work
Let's cover easy conversation starters you can use on Tinder to set yourself apart from the other guys and get her interested in you.
The Genuine Opener
After you match, look at their profile and find one thing about them that you're genuinely interested in.
It can be anything, no matter how small - so long as it's not something related to her looks.
You notice that she has a photo in a pumpkin patch, and fall is your favorite season.
She is from another country you've spent time in.
Both of you love tea.
Any of these are great "seeds" to start the conversation.
Bonus points if you both share something in common.
It's also worth mention that there are other ways to start a conversation on Tinder that we covered in another post, but we're going to dive deep here in being genuine.
Screenshots of my Real Tinder Conversation.
Now it's time to look at some screenshots of recent conversations on Tinder using the genuine opener.
For both of these I found something interesting in their profile or photos and commented on it in my first message.
In this first example, I noticed this girl was wearing a lot of blue in her photos.
As mentioned before, you can choose anything, no matter how small to comment on.
I really did mean that.
From here it was easy to simply ask her out and we met for a date two days later over the weekend.
This is the power of being genuine with your opening message.
See? This isn't too hard.
To really drive this in to you, let's look at another example.
And this time with a girl who had very little in her photos or bio worth commenting on.
When I matched with "Christine," I noticed that her photos were boring and nothing really stood out in her bio.
In fact, the only thing there was a line about loving "bad jokes and good food." What do you do with that?
Turns out, a lot.
All I did was turn the line around and message it to her.
Does it make sense? Not really.
Does it need to? Not really.
Because it's playful, and different than the other messages she's getting on Tinder. That's all that matters.
Girls with Boring or Empty Bios.
It’s easy to start a conversation on Tinder with a girl who has a lot of information in her Tinder profile.
Whether it’s interesting photos, or a lot of shared interests in her bio.
But where you can get stumped is girls with empty or boring profiles.
You might feel totally stumped when this happens… but don’t be discouraged.
As it turns out, it’s just as easy and there’s plenty of material to work with.
You just need to look inwards, instead of outwards.
Make Your First Message About You.
Rather than find one thing to comment about her, find one thing to comment about what you're up to.
Trust me, it's far more effective than asking her a boring question.
Let's take a look at another example so you can see just how I do this with a real Tinder match.
A Boring Profile
After an extra boring start, "Hi," I had to think quick.
I couldn't find anything in her profile really worth talking about, but I was visiting Virginia for the first time…
So rather than make the message about her, I made it about me, and the coffee shop I was at.
I made this even better by including her in the line… by asking her opinion.
It’s worth nothing that the best opening lines are related to you and her both.
I call this the”Us Mentality.”
The Secret Convo Starter
With all of this said, there is a… short cut.
But a word of caution, this “secret” does require a key, and without it you’ll fall flat on your face.
There is a tried and true method I use to get a girl’s number in just two lines.
To do this, you need to make sure that your Tinder profile is perfect.
Or as perfect as you can get it.
The Tinder Cheat Code
The method works like this:
You get the match.
You say her name with an exclamation point.
When she responds, you just directly ask for her number.
If you try this method, you’ll find it either works like magic, or… it doesn’t work at all.
Easy as 1 2 3.
This might look like a one off.
But with my testing, it worked again and again, and again.
Though, there is a catch…
The BIG Catch.
Like I mentioned before, there is a big catch with this method.
And that’s your profile.
It really needs to be perfect.
The reason is, when a girl gets a short string of messages asking for her number right away she needs to know that you’re safe.
She needs to know that you wont send endless, weird messages.
And because she wont get that from your conversation, she can only get that from your Tinder photos and bio.
An average profile won’t cut it.
It needs to show that you’re safe, fun, mature, intelligent, and congruent.
And as it happens, we have a resource here for building a perfect Tinder profile.
This Really is Easy.
As you can see first hand, this really is easy.
Having a first message that is genuine, specific to her, or even specific to you doesn't even take any more time than writing a bad message.
That's the beauty here.
Sending a message like the above examples is so much more effective and requires no extra effort.
It works in any situation, with any kind of girl.
Couple this strategy with having fun on Tinder and you're going to be seeing a lot more responses, and ultimately, get more hookups.
Also, another great resource for sending your first message on Tinder is… from OkCupid!
They have a blog post that details the analytics of 1st messages here. Definitely worth a read.
Is this Only for Tinder?
No, not even close.
This kind of opening message works on any platform from OkCupid to Coffee Meets Bagel.
It even works on Bumble, even though she is messaging you first.
What you'll tend to see on Bumble is the first messages you get from girls don't really lead the conversation or are boring "Hey" or "Hi's."
You can counter this with a by using the first message system we covered here.
Try it, you'll be surprised how well it works basically anywhere.
And when you do try it, come post the screenshots in our 100% private Own Your Online Dating Facebook group.