The Right Swipe Misconception on Tinder

Disclaimer: Most of what I say will apply to the male audience as they seem to fall under most of what I explain. Although women can, and do, experience what the male audience experience in online dating, men tend to have it a bit harder.

After downloading Tinder for the first time (after the peer pressure from your friends), you set up your account and begin swiping right for "like" or left for "unlike." After spending some amount of time using the app (let’s say for a week), you soon begin to notice a trend: You’re not getting any matches.

You first begin to question if anyone is even using this app and realize your friends are getting matches and going on dates. You then begin to question if there’s something wrong with you and if you’re even “online dating worthy."

Finally, you quit Tinder altogether and try to approach women on the street for hours on end thinking you’re gonna be the next big pickup artist.

But that thought of success from online dating starts to get in your head and you begin to think, would a real pickup artist even use online dating? The answer is a big, fat yes. But that’s not the reason you should become really good at online dating.

 After downloading Tinder for the first time (after the peer pressure from your friends), you set up your account and begin swiping right for "like" or left for "unlike." After spending some amount of time using the app (let’s say for a week), you soon begin to notice a trend:   You’re not getting any matches  . Read more on the blog. | Zirby

The Dark Side of the Online Moon

There’s a very big misconception about online dating. People assume that you need to be a male model or show a picture of yourself climbing Mount Kilimanjaro (the largest mountain in Africa) to garner the attention of the girls on apps like Tinder and OkCupid.

I’m here to tell you the truth: That’s only 10 percent true.

See, the problem with online dating, or at least what people think, is there’s a need to show off yourself in almost an arrogant way to impress the ladies. The problem with this, is the fact that most guys have this mentality that they’ll try to show themselves doing “extravagant” things, to make their profile “pop” more.

When I mean “extravagant”, I mean:

  • Showing off “one time activities” such as skydiving or riding an elephant.
  • Taking selfies of yourself topless to show off your abs. Or selfies in general.
  • Photos with a group of women to prove your social worth.

Here’s what’s wrong with all of these:

  1. Showing off one time activities are fine but they don’t tell what your hobbies are (which is what guys think these photos actually do).
  2. Taking selfies and especially, topless photos, show a strange sense of arrogance and (ironically) laziness. While you may think you’re impressing women, they’re actually just cringing. Sorry mate.
  3. Photos with a group of women kinda do the opposite of what you think it does. Most girls are actually going to not think it’s worth investing “online time” with you if she thinks you’re being “friendly” and possibly “taken” with other women for obvious reasons. Also, see the second point as this relates to that as well.

So what does this actually say? I’m not pointing this out to insult anyone trying to improve their dating game. The beauty of this is each of these points can be applied to more than just dating apps.

The Online Domino Effect

When I first started using online dating, I figured I was already starting out right since I had a fair amount of "likes" on my photos on Facebook and Instagram (how naive I was back then). The problem with Facebook likes and Instagram likes are with the phenomenon known as "The Online Domino Effect."

The Online Domino Effect is the concept that doing something online that gets you either a lot of likes or "ignores" will then lead to either a sense of accomplishment or disappointment/rejection. The problem with this idea is people believe they can’t do anything to improve their "online social life." This is where online dating comes into play.

With online dating, nobody knows who you are. You are purely judged on what’s in your profile (pictures, summary, messages, etc). Therefore, in order to get good at online dating, you need to get better at the things you’re judged upon in online dating. When this happens, you’ll begin to notice a domino effect occurring in your online social media life.

You’ll begin to post more polarizing photos of yourself that’ll lead to more likes and a better online status. You’ll begin to get more polarizing photos by doing more interesting activities in general. You’ll begin to notice the effects in your texting game where you’ll begin to notice you can have engaging conversations via text. You’ll begin to have more control over your life in general.

The Right Swipe Misconception

It may seem as if this whole online social media lifestyle improvement may seem a bit convoluted. That’s because it kind of is. But the way people view it is a huge misconception.

Why should I care about online dating or even focusing on my online social media life?
— Every skeptic ever

This is the world we live in now and it’s only going to get more convoluted. You may think fighting against this and that embracing a non-digital life is better, but you’re really fooling yourself. Improving your online social life, thanks to online dating, will actually help in other parts of your real life. You’ll start leading a more interesting life, you’ll start improving on aspects of your life that you didn’t even realize needed improving (like not doing duck face in all your photos), and you’ll start to embrace the future as you already prepared today.

So do yourself a favor. If you even remotely care about improving your online dating life, try to also improve on the three biggest criterias: The photos, The Summary and The Messages (The Holy Online Trinity). Who knows, you may even begin to see changes for the better in your offline life as much as your online life.

Contributed by Arafat Hossain

Arafat is a freelance writer who inspires men from all over the world to take action and lock down solid habits, located in New York City. Be sure to check out and follow his Medium blog.