Everyone promises to know the BIG SECRET for having a lot of success on Tinder. And people who make this promise tend to be full of a lot of hot air. After all, that's a pretty bold claim to make.
But could there be 1 secret on Tinder that could swap your one day a month to one date a day? Now that's a big claim. If that secret does exist, it would be...
Discovering the Secret on Tinder
Don't worry. This isn't clickbait or a cliffhanger, I'll tell you everything you want to know. But first, let me tell you where I was, and you can tell me if this sounds familiar:
Years ago, I first downloaded Tinder. I really had no idea what it was and had come from OkCupid so Tinder felt kind of... hollow.
I was used to writing longer messages and a long bio, so when I saw Tinder I was surprised. Was it possible to connect with people here?
The answer was a resounding: ...maybe.
Infographic: Why is Tinder so Difficult for Guys?
Turns out, there are a few reasons why Tinder is so difficult for most guys: because being "average" on Tinder puts you in the bottom 80%.
Here's all the stats that for why Tinder is stacked against men, and 3 ways for you to rise above it.
Connecting with Women on Tinder
I got a few matches and had a few conversations but they'd usually end up going nowhere. The common issues I struggled with was...
- Conversations feeling "boring" or rehearsed.
- She was responding with one-word answers.
- Even "good messages" I sent would just get a "lol" back - and nothing more.
That was pretty aggravating. I even quit Tinder and went back to OkCupid exclusively for a long time before giving Tinder a second try. My results were still lukewarm.
When I'd open my phone in the morning and go into my Tinder I'd feel a little pit in my stomach. No responses. Damn it. More stress.
When I did get a match, all of a sudden that pit grew deeper. I didn't want to screw the conversation up. I'd be "waisting" the match by sending some stupid opening line or censoring myself by not saying what was really on my own.
Then I Discovered the Hidden Trick on Tinder
I started learning little tips I found online and emulating the techniques from guys who were better than me. But still, something was wrong. I hit a plateau where once I started the conversation, things would mostly peter out.
What was I missing? I was using the same strategies I saw other successful tinder...ers using. I made sure that my conversations weren't asking the same boring, and expected questions. I wouldn't wait too long to ask her out.
Basically, I was following all of the advice that you're following by reading the Zirby blog. But there was, in fact, something missing. It was that 1 Big Secret.
And that 1 Big Secret is...
Alright, it's time for me to cough it out. This secret is the real deal, but it's very simple. But simple doesn't mean simplicity. It was quite profound when I learned about this, and I'm most excited to show you the examples from the post.
The secret is having fun.
Yes. Seriously. That was was missing from my Tinder. I was logging on dreading swiping. I was avoiding sending my opening message because of the stress of the "pressure" - trying to get the message right.
I played it safe in my conversation because I didn't want to lose "everything I had worked up to."
Having fun can do radically cool things. It can take a girl who stops responding to you and then messages her for over a week "pls respond" and turn that into a night of sex.
It can take the most boring and mundane profile and make it something so legendary it gets on the front page of r/Tinder on Reddit - and an unbelievable amount of dates.
I mean, just look at some of the screenshots of Tinder messages I send. Not all get responses, but the ones that do connect deep. This means more solid numbers and more dates.
It's fun that does it. And it's fun to do it.
But Having Fun on Tinder isn't Always Easy.
Again, simply doesn't mean simplicity. I feel the pain and stress in the messages that are sent into Zirby by guys like you. Tinder just isn't fun for them. It's a high-pressure stake where what you want is always out of your reach.
And... then, on the other hand, you have guys that use "fun" ask an excuse to troll women online - also known as being a bad human being.
With that said, let's look at three very solid examples of how to harness the power of fun (God, do I sound like an episode of Spongebob?) so that you can see what I'm talking about.
Other resources: We have a full tinder guide that will show you how to optimize your photos, bio, and swiping strategy. Having fun is important... but that doesn't excuse a bad Tinder profile!
Let's Look at some Real Examples
What I love about these 3 examples is the "fun" aspect is very, very apparent. You might laugh when you look at them or read it, but you can be sure that the person who created the screenshot sure did.
- The first example will show you how to use fun to get back a dead conversation.
- The second is using fun to make your Tinder profile.
- And finally, I'll show an example of using fun to get her number.
Having Fun on Tinder #1 - PLS RESPOND
From one of the Zirby coaches, Thijs. I absolutely love this screenshot. The night she responded they actually slept together. Let's talk a look:
You might think to yourself, "how the hell did that work?"
Well, it worked because he was enjoying himself. It didn't come off weird or stalkerish. Women can just un-match a guy on Tinder, and playing up the "desperate guy" can work especially if your Tinder profile makes it very apparent that you're not desperate.
So, the secret does have some conditions. If your profile looked creepy (dark, grainy photos / poorly dressed / etc) this might not play out as well.
But back on the point: Thijs has a lot of fun sending this. And it was rewarded.
Having Fun on Tinder #2 - The Sneeze
Having fun on Tinder isn't just about sending your messages. It's also about setting up your profile and bio. Here's an example where someone sets up a hilarious profile with a simple premise.
The idea is simple: "My Tinder profile will be a photo of a sneeze."
Execution, though, is everything. Obviously, he had fun making this profile, and the simple idea gets his profile a lot of attention. This is a one in a million profile made by (what women will think when they see it) a one in a million guy.
The best part? An amazing profile - and I mean top tier stuff like this sneeze will get you matches and dates with women who are the most selective and desirable.
Remember a woman's primary trait to attract you is their physical appearance, as unfair as it may be. For you, it's your personality. How do you show an amazing personality? With an amazing profile. And you do that by having fun.
Having Fun on Tinder #3 - Just Goofin'
Last up is a pretty simple one. Being that I do photography often, I love to show off my images to anyone who will take a look.
Why not do this on Tinder and show her the kind of things I'm interested - along with having an excuse to get her number or Whatsapp!
You might not be a photographer. But you might...
- Cook and have an amazing photo of a veggie burger you just cooked.
- Maybe you went skydiving and have a video.
- Or maybe you were talking about your trip overseas and what to show a few pictures.
The goal of a Tinder convo isn't just to ask her question and learn boring stuff about her (Where do you work? Where are you from? Ugh. Who cares?)
It's also to show her what you're about. Have fun with it. Show her the things you do and care about. Power is in your hands.
Here's your action plan for having fun:
You know what to do, but not how to achieve it. It's time for you to play a few games to ease your way in to letting go of your ego and have a little fun. Below are three games. I want you to give each one a try, and see what happens.
Tinder Game #1 - Reclaim
Your first challenge is to open up a Tinder conversation where she stopped responding and try something to get her back.
Have fun with it - it can be pls respond, or it can be one sharp, witty line. "I've never forgotten about the good times we shared." Whatever it is, make sure it's self-amusing, and not too offensive.
Tinder Game #2 - Upgrade
After that, we're going to have fun upgrading your Tinder bio. I don't expect you to overhaul and entirely new Tinder profile but I do want you to at least slot in one funny photo that's amusing to you.
Actually, this is an important challenge because I love to have one goofy/cute photo in my profile. Especially if you have a serious profile (or you're an intimidating guy!) Works really well.
Tinder Game #2 - Launch
One more. This is the easiest that just might become a staple in your wheelhouse for asking for a girls number. I want you to take a current Tinder conversation and transition into getting her number by telling her you to want to share a photo or video from your life to her.
Bonus points if that photo or video is in context of something you already talked about. For example, we spoke about my photography a little in Example 3, so when I told her I wanted to show her my images it wasn't out of left field.
Right. Now you're starting to loosen up and enjoy Tinder.
Which, really, is what Tinder is meant for. As we saw through this post, letting go and having fun - without being mean - tips the ball in your favor against all the other guys on Tinder who's high stakes pressure makes women feel uncomfortable.
You're going to get further in life with a smile than a scowl, and on Tinder it's no different. After you're done with your challenges, I'd actually really like to hear about that. Come join our 100% Private Facebook group and post up a screenshot of how one (or more) of them went.