When you match, what's your opening message on Tinder? In this article, we'll show you exactly how to send a powerful opening message that gets her attention. Plus, we have some actionable steps for you to implement all of the example openers we're going to give you. Let's dive in.
Being a girl, both in a digital and face to face dating life, is the most unflattering thing on the planet. According to unspoken society rules (which are complete bullshit), women should wait for the guy to approach them and not the other way, especially if there’s a mutual interest.
It’s the same for online dating, if you match with a girl, the guy initiates the conversation almost 98 percent of the time. Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to be changing anyone soon. What makes matters worse is the way we open with a girl online.
With that being said, since we have to live by this rule, there’s a few things guys need to know when they’re using online dating and messaging a woman for the first time.
The Opener Part 1: What NOT to Say
If you were to think of an opener for an imaginary girl on the top of your head, what would it be? 9 times out of 10, it’ll be some variation of the word Hello.
Know how I guessed that? Because to us guys, it’s the safe bet opener. It’s the opener you say to any person you approach whether in real life or digitally. It’s easy to say, doesn’t require much effort and unfortunately, most guys think girls will respond back with Hello.
But guess what? You’re already unmatched with her and she’s moved on.
But why did this happen? Was it the way you said hello? Did you need to say ‘hey’ instead of hello? Our maybe you should have said ‘how are you’ instead? The truth is, neither of these work because it’s depressingly boring.
The average amount of times a girl receives the ‘hello’ opener is so high, I’m not going to justify telling you a number.
Frankly, the only thing worse then hello, is sending something (that you may not find creepy) creepy about the girls body and the things you want to do.
The guys that are doing this are causing women to not want to even consider online dating as a vaible option, so stop it for all of our sake.
Complimenting a girl on her looks is almost, if not worse, than a hello.
If you already match with a girl, why do you need to tell her you like the way she looks? Girls are so numb to being complimented in both real life and especially online dating, that no matter how thought out your compliment is, she’ll ignore it just the same as a hello.
So how should you open?
The Opener Part 2: The Genuine Opener
This type of opener is usually reserved for more relationship based websites/apps like Match and OkCupid, but you could technically apply this to other sites as well. This should honestly be your go to opener when you match with someone.
So what is the genuine opener? Simply put, relating to something about your match that you ACTUALLY relate with. If the match says they love the New York Mets and you love the Mets (like me!), then open with something related to the Mets. Sounds simple enough but ironically most people have a ridiculously hard time doing so.
Most people struggle because they feel they need to come up with a clever opener that’ll get a woman’s mind floating on cloud 9. That’s not how life works stupid, so stop thinking it. If a woman wanted a clever story or a funny joke, that’s literally what the internet is for. Your main goal with the opener is to show the women you’re not everyone else while being authentic and genuine.
Start making this a habit (don’t worry, I’ll get to that a bit later).
The Opener Part 3: The Creative Opener
This is more for advanced online dating users. Essentially it’s the same thing as the genuine opener but using subtle flirtations to show you aren’t just another match. This is what separates guys from the top ten of matches with a girl to the top three.
Here's how it works:
- You match with a girl, and you see something in her profile that you connect with.
- Instead of mentioning something about the interest, you could use an opener that tells the girl “Hey, I’m interested and this is me completely, take it or leave it”.
It's risky, no doubt. But it's a go to that I use from time to time that surprisingly gets results. For this reason, this type of opener is usually reserved for quick matching apps like Tinder.
Let's See the Examples
So how does this all work in action?
Quick example: You match with a girl who loves dogs and adventures.
Typical opener: Hello, how was your day?
Genuine opener: My favorite type of dog is the wiener dig, makes me want to have a hot dog every time I see one. Tell me about your favorite dog.
Creative opener: Recently, I’ve experienced getting bitten in the leg by a Chihuahua with a T-Rex complex. Tell me about the craziest experience you’ve had recently.
See the difference?
There’s no point in learning all this if you don’t implement it properly. Here's how:
For the next 30 days (remember habits?), go on OkCupid, using the quick match feature, and open the first three girls you see with a genuine opener.
It can be about anything as long as it’s genuine. No more “hello” or “how are you” bullshit, just an actual opener that’s authentic.
Do this for 30 days straight and you’ll begin to notice a few things.
- You’ll actually start to get more replies than before.
- Genuine openers will come to you intuitively. This’ll help you move onto the creative opener which will push your online dating life to a whole new level.
All it takes are three genuine messages a day.