From a woman's perspective.
If you’re late to the game, dating is now all about swiping. Left for no, right for yes. And that’s it. You’re on your way to getting laid in the time it’ll take you to do 5 + 7 / 12 in your head.
For most guys, Tinder is a constant game of swiping right to see who he’ll match. For girls, Tinder is a minefield of dodging douches, dick pics, and downright bad pick-up lines. So, what is it that makes a Tinder profile swipeable? Or a conversation tolerable? (At least for a woman)?
I dared to enter the male mind-set of “always swipe right” to help you up your game... and to avoid these moves, which are just down right lame.
I ended up the day with 30 new matches and 27 new messages.
Holy. Fuck. Just way too much of everything.
From pictures to openers, here’s what you should know not to do, and how to fix it.
My choice is 70% reliant on your pictures. There’s a few habits I’ve noticed a lot of guys do that need to be stopped… Like yesterday.
The Shirtless "Cassanova"
MEN. Unless you’re standing on top of a mountain or fishing or doing an activity… Put your fucking shirts back on. I don’t care how nice your six-pack is. If your profile has a picture of you standing in the bathroom/bedroom/gym mirror showing off your stomach, you’re probably a douche and I’m going to swipe left.
This also applies to pics of your crotch. I equally don’t want to see that shit either.
DO NOT PUT MULTIPLE PICTURES WITH THE SAME GIRL IN THEM. I know she’s either your sister or your girlfriend; but I’m 100% going to assume that she’s your girlfriend. And I’m 100% going to swipe left. Side note: If you have a girlfriend, get the fuck off Tinder.
The One Trick Pony
If I took six of the same photos, within five minutes, and stuck them on my profile, you’d probably swipe right… but have no idea what to talk about beyond my profile. Make sure you’re posting diverse pictures, so I can pick it up some information about you, and ask you about it. I promise I'll do the same.
What to Do Instead
Instead of shirtless selfies, try to have pictures on your Tinder of you out with friends or partaking in your favorite activities. Selfies are absolutely okay, just make sure you’re put together and looking fashionable with your haircut.
Do not look like a slob, and don’t try the male duck face. That makes me uncomfortable on so many levels. The more we see about you, the more we’re going to be able to talk to you about.
Pro-tip: Girls love puppies and babies (as long as they aren’t yours). Try for a cute pic with your pet or a friend’s puppy for bonus conversation points.
The other 30% of my decision to swipe or not is based on what’s below your photos: your profile.
Always err on the side of shortness, keeping it punchy and reflective of your sense of humor.
My profile: “Born in London, raised in CT. I like books. And no, I don’t have an accent.” It’s short, and to the point.. But it shows something about me (and makes for a great conversation starter).
There are a few guys, which I will never swipe right for.
- An empty profile… Like come. On. You’ve gotta give me something.
- If you have “I’m the nice guy” or “not a fuckboy” anywhere in your profile. 9/10, if you say you’re a nice guy or not a fuck boy… You’re a fuckboy. This may not be true, but show me you’re one… don’t tell me.
- You have an essay in your profile and none of it’s interesting.
Hey. What’s up? Hello. I’m not a Trap Queen and you’re not Fetty Wap, so you should be using a better opener than that; or you’re going to be ignored. The overwhelming majority of guys who messaged me, started the conversations with some variation of “hey.”
Stop being boring.
Think outside of the lines to come up with an opener that’s going to make me want to talk to you… not unmatch you. There’s a few types that I’ve found always catch my attention:
While most of the time I roll my eyes at the cheesy pick-up line; they catch my attention (and they work) if they’re really funny or creative… like this one. Be careful not to use cliché ones, and not to make any immediate references to your package.
The Ironic Opener
Maybe it’s just my personal style, but I love the guys who call attention to the ironies of Tinder. In this one message, this guy has made the smooth transition from grabbing my attention to an actual conversation… all in one message.
I’m a sucker for well-placed GIFs; especially ones with seals. Opening with a GIF is a great way to grab my attention or to reveal a love of a show. For instance, I always like sending back Andy Dwyer greeting GIFs because of my love of Parks and Rec.
Having said this, just make sure not to use the first GIF you find…. I got this seal from 4 different guys; change it up to an image that means something to you; or that she can talk to you off of.
It’s great when guys take info from my profile to talk to me. This opening leaves the opportunity for a great conversation about what rival teams he likes, some playful banter, which can lead into more about me and less about my sports interests.
Go forth, use your new powers to get yourself some Tinder love and care... and to not fuck-up.