Here are 11 tips to start getting more successful on OkCupid (Or Tinder). These down-to-earth strategies are easy to implement. Whether you are putting her on a pedestal, selling yourself short, or making other common mistakes - this article, written by Anonymous, will give you the tools to meet attractive women with online dating.
1. Don’t build them up too much
I mean two things by this: Don’t get hung up on any one girl too early.
- I’ve messaged an amazing girl for 6 weeks (she was out of town) and had her flake out at the last second.
- I went on an awesome date with a gorgeous 5’10” model, had her write me saying how much she enjoyed the date, only to have her delete her account a couple weeks after our date.
- I had an awesome time fooling around with one girl only to have her lose interest.
It’s so fun to get excited or be stoked on a particular girl you like, but try not to get ahead of yourself. You’ll come off as needy to them and get yourself really disappointed when things fizzle out. Most things will fizzle out or not work out. Expect it and just enjoy the chase and the action you do get.
Don’t imagine them as being your dream girl or being one way or another until you actually meet them. Don’t put them on a pedestal.
I found myself reading through a girl’s profile and imagining and projecting all sorts of things about her. She became more amazing and interesting in my head the more I let my mind run away...
Dude, she’s just a person. She could be fun, she could make good conversation, she might not.
She might bring up things that are really not that attractive. She might be totally boring and sarcastic. You don’t know til you talk face to face.
Go into the in-person meet up excited and ready to chat, but be aware that you don’t know her yet. Let her be herself and be aware that she’ll have good things and bad things that you didn’t see coming. The mystery of getting to know her is way more exciting than any girl you could have constructed in your mind.
2. Call Them First
You can tell a lot from her writing style and photos, but not everything. Have a short conversation on the phone before the in-person meet up is a good way to:
- Determine if she’s worth your time and the conversation will go ok.
- Develop a little rapport so the first in-person meeting isn’t so awkward.
3. Give Her a Chance.
I’m a very warm extroverted guy; I turn on naturally around people and under pressure. I like this in a girl. A lot of girls won’t turn on naturally, a lot of them can be quite nervous and even cold at first.
If you’re attracted to her and think there could be potential, give her a date or two more before you write her off (or come to like her). I’m aware this might contradict previous points, I obviously am still not sure how much of chance to give them.
4. Show More, Tell Less
You say you’re spontaneous, chivalrous, innovative, curious, clever, risky, etc… Realize that almost everyone is saying how they have fun socially desirable traits. Why not show her you are these things with stories and photos? It’ll be far more believable.
5. Assess the Competition and Steal Their Tactics
Reverse the match search, and search other straight guys’ profiles. You’ll start to see patterns and you’ll see the site from her perspective.
Obviously, you can’t understand “what women want” but it’ll probably give you ideas for your profile and understand how you fit into the pool of single men. I think you’ll start to understand what works and what doesn’t.
6. Don't Sell Yourself Short
At least 3-4 times, I started my messages with disqualifying statements. I’d start with something like “I know, I know, I’m a bit young for you…” Why did I do that? I have no idea. Don’t do it. Go in confident, give her your best shot, let her shoot you down, don’t shoot yourself down.
7. Personality and Rapport Matter Most
This goes back to projecting about the girl. I’ve had meet ups where before I wasn’t sure if this or that was quite right about the girl. I remember literally thinking “she has kind of a really wide face” about a girl who turned out to be really fun and attractive upon meeting up.
All that bullshit you make up in your head will just fade away when you meet her. Go for personality, go for rapport, go for the vibe.
I had the pleasure of getting naked with some OKC girls who had Victoria Secret-worthy bodies. Not many, but a couple. It was great at first: running my hands over those hip bones, those legs!
Sure it’s nice and I’m glad I experienced it. But if they don’t have personality and a connection with you, the awesomeness of looks just fade away.
The flesh loses its wow factor and being around her becomes more work than it’s worth. Go for rapport. When there’s rapport, her flaws just seem to fade away. This is a hard one obviously, looks always have their pull. Maybe you need to get bored with looks for yourself.
8. Fail Often
At this point, I’m so used to the site, that I just fire out random messages here and there to see if I can get a response.
You’d be surprised how many of these half-hearted attempts work and all of sudden you end up with a date with a cool and/or hot girl.
Expect to fail often, fire out a ton of messages. Expecting to fail, instead of seeking your dream girl or lay, will help you maintain your energy.
9. Don’t burn out
All these false starts, all this emotional energy, and time meeting up/messaging can be exhausting. A lot of people just get tired and start to hate the site. Take breaks if you need to, but keeping putting in the work, you’ll get better at it.
10. This will make you better
I would have loved to meet a girl to spend/share quality time with. I didn’t (or haven’t yet). However, I did get a lot better at the process of dating, talking with women, and knowing what I wanted.
- It made me far more confident with women and I started approaching far more offline women.
- I started to actually know what I want and appreciate in women.
- I realized what I was worth and that I am capable of getting quality women.
- I learned to control my mind and tendency to project.
- I learned to expect failure, approach often, and not sell myself short.
- It gave me hope that there are actually are far more interesting, hot, single women out there than I believed before.
I wish I would have tried it before now (at 24). Life’s just too short to go through constant dry spells.
11. Be Playful.
I've done this one too many times not to mention. I write these long serious messages with really forward compliments.
I think I thought I was showing that I was "confident" but given the success rates of these messages, I'm pretty sure it just comes off as overly serious and/or impatient.
I got impatient because I've been through so many interactions that I want to get right to the point, but it probably seems like I'm jumping the gun to them (or they have just lost interest). Keep it light and fun. Don't move too fast.
This brilliant article was found on Quora, written by Anonymous. To whoever you are, well said.